


And "Dead"

by AgeOfAlejandro



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, and more crack, why did no muggleborns take advantage of this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-29
Updated: 2012-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-30 06:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfAlejandro/pseuds/AgeOfAlejandro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Albus Dumbledore imitates a Cold War-era public service announcement, much to muggleborn amusement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And "Dead"

There was the obnoxious tinkle of silverware on glass and with a cough. Dumbledore stood up. "Girls and boys, we are facing difficult times ahead. Voldemort is back and he will strike _here_ ," the Headmaster stabbed the air with a downward pointing finger. He sounded very stern, serious, and Seamus thought, insufferably English.

Hermione, Dean, and Harry all stared at Dumbledore before looking at each other. _This is ominously familiar._

"Therefore, to protect you, we have designed a warning system which has four levels. In ascending order of danger, they are, 'everything's all right,' 'oh dear,' 'well damn,' and 'dead,' dead being the worst."

 _Oh no,_ mouthed Dean to Harry and Hermione. They nodded and Harry whispered to Hermione, "Where's the air raid siren?"

She snickered.

"When threat levels are elevated to 'oh dear' or above, you will be notified by your teachers, except in areas where teachers are not common, like the third floor, whereupon you will be notified by portrait or ghost," he continued. "Should levels reach 'well damn' or above, your teachers will lead you to an underground blast-proof enclosure. If you are in an area with no teachers, you are on your own."

Hermione blinked in surprise before looking over at Harry. In a poor Russian accent, she whispered, "Ve vill stick to-gether, right komrad?"

"Yees," he agreed softly, "Ve will."

"I trust," Dumbledore said loudly, "that you will work together to get your fellow students to safety?"

"Yes!" Harry said, just loudly enough to carry clearly to the other tables but not loudly enough for the teachers to hear, "Ve vill fight the Sovie-er-Voldemort var machine together!"

Every muggleborn in the room snickered.

**Author's Note:**

> Dumbledore's ramblings are based off a banned British PA from (obviously) the Cold War, which I tweaked as little as I could get away with.


End file.
